I also believe marriage becomes more attractive with the roadmap tossed aside. Starting out with a list of objectives is setup for disappointment. Kids? Great in theory. But as soon as that becomes the goal of the relationship the reality kicks in: sperm count, healthy eggs, thermometers. I realize to have kids some of this is necessary. However, I’m thirty-five and not currently pregnant (as far as I know), so my ability to achieve this seems grossly untested. Because of this I would hate to be with someone who started a life with me betting on the fact I could provide them with something else. I would like to be enough to start with (and to last) in case those kids never formed.
I can say the same about job and house. I mean, who really knows if they’re staying with a job? Back in the days of our parents, there were safety professions. Become a doctor or lawyer and you were set. Own the one car dealership in town, same story. Now, jobs are transient. I don’t think marriage can be based around identities that are formed and supported by a job. Houses all depend on where you live. And even if you live in a city where you can afford a house (lucky you), it’s still a struggle deciding whether to live in the city or the suburbs. I don’t pretend to expect that houses and jobs won’t affect a marriage or occupy significant time periods during one. My point is that if you come into marriage expecting a certain scenario you will be disappointed, and that disappointment so easily turns into anger, which so easily becomes that awkward conversation at dinner parties where you think to yourself “God, I hope we are never like that.”
Somehow marriage has survived through time as a badge of security. That’s why so many parents want so badly for their kids to be married. They want a wife to take care of their sons. They want a husband to take care of their daughters. If only they learned.
PREVIOUS PAGE
