Even after quite some time, this man made my heart flutter when he walked in the room. (It still does!) I loved doing things for him, anything that could make his daily life easier. Marriage had been discussed a couple of times yet we were still held back by What If’s, mainly due to the age difference. One day I told him: None of us are promised tomorrow. Either of us could be taken any moment. Wouldn’t you rather be happy the next 10 years rather than look back and wonder “what if?” There were no doubts we loved one another. We could see it in the others eyes, feel it in our touch, and hear it in our voices.
During our 4.5 years of dating, Barry and I broke up twice. I knew in my heart, if it was truly meant to be, he would come back to me and I would come back to him. I had to keep faith that if I never saw Barry again, it was God’s will. This was not something I wanted to accept deep down. I tried really hard to get over him and I know he did the same. I will be honest when I say, I tried to hate him but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. I knew he was the one for me, but I was scared I had lost him forever.
A few months ago, circumstances, which I like to say are acts from God, occurred and Barry and I were brought back together. Forever this time. The love we have for one another has only grown stronger and I truly couldn’t imagine going any further in my life without him.
It’s only normal for our future to come to my mind. If we die by age, he will leave before me. When I’m 60, he’ll be nearly 80. My family will be gone by then. Makes me wonder how lonely of a woman would I be. Would I be able to handle the loss of my best friend, my lover, my partner, my soul mate? The slightest thought of this makes my stomach do turns. We unfortunately don't plan these things and there is a set time and place for everything. I know it's something I shouldn't dwell on right now but I wouldn't be normal if it didn't cross my mind. I love this man with every fiber of my being. We know we make each other happy. I certainly can’t and wouldn’t sit around wondering “what if,” just as I warned him of in the past.
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