I spent time thinking about this after the New Year. I remembered many of the conversations I have had with friends who were in long-term relationships. They have all struggled in their own ways with the balance of individuality and partnership. I guess I always thought my inherent independence would save me from having to work at it. So much for idealism.
I need to work at this just as much as anyone. I am just as guilty as the next person of having to poke my head above the clouds to see that activities and people don’t fall in your lap—you have to schedule them. So, I decided to take stock. I didn’t approach this falsely or ambitiously. I simply made a mental list of my favorite things to do and my favorite people and made sure that none have disappeared. With the momentum of the New Year behind me, I put forth some effort: I scheduled some dinners. I signed up for a yoga class with a group of new people. I reached out to my friends that don’t live here and told them I missed them. I planned some trips to visit them.
It’s hard for me to accept that I’ve moved on beyond the days when dinners just happened and girlfriends lived in town and no one already had plans. At the same time, it’s hard for me to deny that I love waking up on weekend days next to my boyfriend without any obligation to anyone but ourselves. I’m growing to accept that things have changed. I’m starting to understand that just as I check in with my boyfriend to ensure we’re in sync, I need to do the same with myself. Otherwise this “me” just isn’t herself.
