We arrived at the church and were met outside by Cheri’s dad, the pastor. There is no way to describe what our faces must have looked like as we stared at this man. I’m certain our gaping mouths were no match for our unblinking befuddlement.
Cheri’s Dad (Sticking out his hand): Hi! Nice to meet you!
It took us a minute to take his hand because we were absolutely stricken in our tracks. The man had three perfectly spaced moles on his forehead. Actually, they looked like three big pencil erasers stuck to his head just above his eyebrows. This day just couldn’t get any weirder! We walked up to the church, staring at the back of his head. I guess we were waiting to see if a big hand would jump out of his hair and wave at us.
Allen (Whispering): Don’t those things on his forehead look exactly like nipples?
OhmyGOD! Yes! The mother had three breasts, the father had three nipples on his forehead!
Ang: Do you think there is a chemical waste dump or a nuclear power plant very near here?
The ceremony was about to begin. Cheri and Dave faced one another. It was very romantic the way they gazed into each other’s eyes. I stood behind Cheri and Gayle stood behind me. On the groom’s side, our local weatherman, Joe, stood behind Dave and behind Joe stood Dave’s older brother. Dave’s three small sons from a previous marriage were gathered around Dave and Cheri. The boys were three, five, and seven. They were very cute in their little suits.
The church was fairly empty. Hairy Eyeball Hans, who turned out to be Cheri’s brother, sat in the back pew and promptly fell asleep, filling the sanctuary with a loud, reverberating snoring sound. Cheri’s mother, who looked every bit as unpleasant and uncomfortable as she did when we found her searching for her pantyhose, waddled to the front row and plunked down. Immediately she started howling to the snoring son to pipe down.
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