People who are in a long distance relationship will tell you all about these hardships, but they will also tell you (if you know how to ask) that there are rewards. We change our expectations of the relationship and its entire texture changes, too. Suddenly, a text message at six a.m. is as comforting as an early morning cuddle; a breathy phone call is as sexy as a bubble-bath for two, and “i luv u b8bE :-*” is Shakespeare.
But there comes a point in every relationship, on the threshold between dating and commitment, where you stand back and assess whether your partner is really worth the effort. You weigh his pros and cons, trying to determine how many times you can tolerate him leaving the toilet seat up, or wondering how many of his beer buddies can camp out on your couch before you bail. In a long distance relationship, though, the cons are writ large. In such a relationship, you realize how essential trust is to any healthy bond; if you let jealousy get the better of you, you’ll never make it. Can you imagine worrying about what your partner is doing on a Saturday night, knowing that if he were to cheat, it would probably never get back to you? If you have that trust, though, and if you can make it through those nights of doubt with no one to reassure you, then there’s a good chance your love can weather time. Those of us in long distance relationships know the odds are against us, but we also quixotically believe we will beat the odds.
I have no idea where I fall in the arguments for or against maintaining an affair over a long distance, I only know that I am reluctant to let go of something really good, no matter the obstacles. And though it is certainly wracking to console myself with a text message when I want an embrace, or to swallow my suspicions when Paul misses one of our “phone dates,” I watch my friends quibble with their live-in boyfriends about such concerns as whether to squeeze the toothpaste tube from the top or bottom. Then, I remember that love is hard and that its tests are different for everyone. Therein, really, lies its joy.
