3. Family.
First comes marriage, then comes the baby … huh? Hopefully this is an item you have discussed and agreed on before the wedding. However, just because you are married does not mean that you have to rush into starting a family. Take time to enjoy life as husband and wife; there is enough time to have the family you dreamed of. Live together, enjoy life and each other for a little bit without the responsibilities of children. Also, on the topic of family, aim to be fair in how you spend time with each other’s families. Sure, your mother-in-law may not be your favorite person to spend a Sunday with, but she is your spouse’s mother and I’m sure they love her just as much as you love your own. It is not fair to force your spouse to spend every holiday with your family, but grit your teeth when he/she suggests you trade and go to their family’s home. Try to be equal in the distribution—if you spent the last holiday with your family it’s only fair the next is spent with his/hers.
4. Home owner.
Again, like children, just because you’re married does not mean that you have to buy a house. Most people dream of being a homeowner and if you have discussed it and are financially ready then go ahead, but most newlyweds are not in a prime position to buy a house. Rent for a year, get your combined finances in line and a system going, then evaluate if it’s a good time to make that leap. Owning a home is a great feeling, but it’s not so great if you weren’t ready for it financially.
When you are ready, it’s also a good idea to explore what one another is looking for in home. You might find that you have very different tastes and goals when it comes to your ideal home. Another area to discuss is how long you plan to be in that home. It’s not realistic to assume you will be in your first home for the rest of your life. Do not feel like you need the three-bedroom home with the picket fence right from the get go. A townhouse or a one bedroom home may be more suited to what your current needs are and what your current financial situation is.
5. Fairness on the home front.
Hopefully, since you just committed your life to this person, you are ready for compromise. Household duties (chores, etc.) should be discussed. Ideally, you guys have discussed this as a couple and have similar philosophies. For example, my husband and I are a bit old fashioned in the chore distribution. I do the majority of the cleaning/cooking and he does outdoor/trash/mechanical type duties. This works for us and we agreed on that long before we were married. Does this mean that he shouldn’t be willing to help me with my duties or I his? Of course not. Does this mean that this will work for everyone? No. Find what works for you. Some couples prefer fifty-fifty when it comes to household chores. You cook and he/she does dishes, that type of thing. Find what works for you, but one person shouldn’t be taking on the entire burden, especially if you are both employed.
Fighting fair—this really could be a topic on its own. When you fight, and you will, it’s really not necessary to name call, drudge up what he/she did in the past, or other dirty cheap tactics. Learn to listen to each other and try to see both sides of the issue. Pick your battles; some things just aren’t worth fighting over.
Take a moment to think about these and talk some of them over with your partner. If you’re not married yet, now is a perfect time to touch on all of these issues and make sure you and your partner have similar philosophies. Best of luck in your new life!
