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Emotional Affair or Friendship?

By: Not Just The Kitchen (View Profile)

In a marriage, what are the limits for friendship with a member of the opposite sex? Who sets these limits? What is the difference between a friendship and an emotional affair? Is an emotional affair wrong? Does an emotional affair help the marriage by letting a partner vent out all emotional frustration, which otherwise he or she would not have done with his or her spouse? Or does it kill the marriage?

What is an emotional affair?
Most of us have friendships. Many of us are very close in some of our friendships. We share quite a lot in such friendships. But when one develops such a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex, it can be termed as an emotional affair. Sharing intimate emotional details with someone of opposite sex is called an emotional affair. This the common definition. It also includes the clause that you are keeping your partner unaware about the emotional bond you share with someone else.

Does it hurt your marriage?
It hurts a marriage if after knowing about the details shared, the spouse feels that mutual trust was violated. If the emotional affair becomes strong, it may so happen that one may begin sharing more emotional details with one’s friend than with one’s spouse. That hurts the spouse and may also lead to a break-up.

Why do people have emotional affairs?
It has being debated whether an emotional affair is purely emotional or it has begun because of physical attraction. Does one need a friend of opposite sex to share emotional details? Why not one of your own sex? And why does one feel uncomfortable with one’s spouse about this bond? All pointers go in one direction—an emotional affair may be the way one wants to begin a physical relationship with another, outside the marriage. Otherwise, if one wants to have emotional sharing, or to vent out feelings, one can easily consult a psychiatrist that will help her feel relieved and get advice. Or one can chose a friend of the same sex.

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posted: 09.11.2007
Jenny R
My husband has become close to a girlfriend of mine, and jealousy is a big issue with me. This article was helpful, thank you!
posted: 07.30.2007
Sapphire Blue
My boyfriend has a relationship with a member of the opposite sex that he had before meeting me. A few years ago it was more than just friendship for a brief period but he says it is just friends now. I have to fight extremely hard to deal with this friendship. They talk on the phone and he takes her to lunch sometimes. The problem I have is that he keeps thinks a secret from me but women always find things out and then we keep them inside and it makes it worse. I try very hard to trust him but it can be a very trying time. I love him so much that I keep telling myself that until I actually catch him in something that I should not be so jealous about it.
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