But what of the husbands who haven fallen short of their wives’ expectations, who may have strayed, who may resist, who may have with them still the heavy baggage of their boyhood, are they not Good Men? Often times women continue to love and stand by these men—be they addicts, infidels, or assholes. Yet are they ever allowed to transcend those transgressions and be the Good Men for whom we pine or are they forever cast in the role of destroyer? I do not live under the illusion that my husband has been a loving, kind, compassionate man to all the women in his life. I know of a few who consider him more akin to a narcissist. However, knowing his past I still found his potential to out weigh the risks. I found the compassion to let him be the reflection of benevolence and found the will to seal the evidence of his transgressions from further examination.
Maybe it is merely the space to grow that makes a Good Man good. Let’s face it, we screw up and when we are in a partnership we screw up more than just ourselves. However, there must be room to evolve, to make amends, to truly reflect upon our past actions and in doing so allow such to be the catalyst for greatness. Good Men are as hard to come by as we make them. Regardless of the wounds that are the collateral damage of decisions made in the past, every man has the right to metamorphose into a devoted father and loving husband. If we loose faith in our mate’s ability to become his highest self then we destroy the very possibility of greatness. We then become the saboteur, the emotional infidel forever in love with a man who cannot be, and we become the asshole left in the cold wondering why there are so few Good Men in the world.
