Which brings me to my next point: machismo. Like the proverbial Every Man who won’t stop to ask directions, male identity is focused on being strong, independent, and stoic. It may seem silly to a woman who loses nothing by ordering a salad for lunch, but for many men, actions like giving up beef or alcohol may profoundly affect how they see themselves as men and can shake the core of their identity. Admitting they need help or that they could be vulnerable to illness is not in line with many men’s concept of their masculinity.
What you can do.
I spoke to another friend, Dr. Kathleen Nickerson, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Newport Beach, and asked her how women can help their men be proactive in their health care. She recommends you tell the man you love, “Honey, I love you very much and you’re the most important thing in the world to me. Your health is something I care about so much because I want to have you with me as long as possible. How can I help you get the care that’s best for you?” Offer to go with him to the doctor, to explore alternative treatments or practitioners, or to help him find a dentist that practices sedation dentistry. Perhaps he’d feel more comfortable seeing a practitioner of his own gender, race, or background.
I’ve since told Suzanne that by bringing the topic up in a kind but assertive way, it’s not left up to her, or worse, fate, to attend to his health care. While she loves Vince and is concerned about him—and rightly so—his health care is not her responsibility, it’s his.
Why we do it.
Many women feel they’re beating a dead horse when it comes to getting their men to take care of their health. Why are we willing to get in fights, or like Suzanne, to be ignored completely, when the object of our affection doesn’t want to bother? Mostly because we care. We care about their health and their longevity because we love them. And while we can’t force a man to go to the doctor or dentist, we may be able to help him feel safer about asking for help.
What do you think? Please use the comments section below to let me know about your experiences with the men in your life and their attitudes towards health care.
