He strangled me, bear hugged me cracking ribs, hit me with a glass cake pan, stabbed me with scissors, and then started biting me. I still have the marks from the bites, they won’t go away. Like a constant reminder. He put a gun in my mouth, down my pants, in my stomach, and to my head. I couldn’t tell you what he was saying because he made no sense. It was like he was possessed. I said I thought I heard the doorbell, and shockingly he stopped, he thought the police was at the door. Of course later he was so sorry. I knew I wasn’t gonna live much longer. I had to hide the marks from my son, because I knew it would only make things worse if he knew. Every day for two weeks it was pure hell. I use to beg him for a peaceful day. The day before this all ended he looked me right in the eyes and said, “I will never give you peace.” When he came home that night he started it got real bad, he wouldn’t let me or my son leave, he had a gun, and he just paced back and forth all night. I can’t get into details because this is all way too fresh for me, and I yet to talk about it. So let’s just say that we were definitely held hostage all night. All I know is I have never seen in his eyes what I saw that night. My son was terrified. All I can say is I shot my husband when I was able to get to the gun, I had to save my sons life. I now can’t shut my eyes, I can’t eat. The only thing that gets me going everyday is my son. If it weren’t for him I know I couldn’t go on. I don’t know how I will ever trust again. I don’t know how to even live anymore. I feel as if I am not even human anymore, I have no feelings, yet I can’t stop the pain. I cry so much, then I can’t cry at all. I feel so guilty for taking my sons father from him, yet I know in reality it could be very different. I am told everyday that everything happens for a reason, I use to believe that but not anymore, what could possibly be the reason for this? I feel I can’t give any advice to anyone because I have no answers anymore. I hope there are people out there that can get out of a bad situation before it comes to something like mine did. It isn’t something to live with.
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I know sharing your story was not easy, however I admire your STRENGHTHS. Strength to protect yourself. Strength to protect your son. Strength to survive. Strength to share your story with me. It's amazing how similar your story is to my relationship of 12 years with my child's father. I do believe your husband was suffering with so much pain, and he is now at peace. You and your son will be able to live peaceful lives. I am sending a big hug to you and your son. I will continue to pray for you during your time of healing.
I appreciate your kind words, I have started counseling, so has my son. Its funny becuase I use to say so stringly that everything happens for a reason, but honestly I can't wrap my mind around why this had to happen, why it happen through my hands. I tried so hard to help him but I just couldn't get through. My faith is shaken right now, as much as I hate to say that, but I am questioning everything these days. I look at the pain that my son is going through and it just leaves me numb. I dont know what to do anymore. I get up everyday soley for him. You ask why I allowed this man to destroy my life, and why didnt I get help? I have always been the person that saves people, I tried to save him from himself. I am a nurturer, I tried so hard to love him and care for him, I saw at one point that I couldnt help him so I did try to leave, he put a tracking device on my car and he found me everytime, the threats that he made were very real and I knew he would carry them out. I was trapped.
I JUST FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU. READING THIS BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES. THE SAD THING IS I BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD DEFIANANTLY GET SOME COUNSELING. I KNOW THAT GOD HAS TO HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU AND YOUR STILL ALIVE SO LIFE IS NOT OVER. JUST THINK NOW HE'S GONE SO IT CAN ONLY GET BETTER FROM THIS POINT ON. TRY TO STAY POSITIVE AND DEFINANTLY PRAY TO GOD FOR STRENGTH. HOWEVER TO ACCEPT THAT TYPE OF ABUSE AND STILL BE ABLE TO GO ON YOUR A STRONGER PERSON THAN YOU THINK.
Hi, Sarah Why did you allow this man to destroy your life like that? Why didn't you get help? I can feel the pain you are going through right now. Trust in GOD!!!!
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