The breaking point hit a few weeks ago where Sean confessed that he didn’t believe in my career as an actress. He thinks I have been setting myself up to fail. I have been going through a dry period where I haven’t been getting much work and he is sick of it. I know rejection is part of the business and it didn’t used to bother me that much, but now I feel like every little rejection is tallied in his mind. He’s afraid we won’t have any financial security, that we won’t have the life we want and he wants me to stay at home and be a mom. I want to be a mom too, but I love theatre and can’ t imagine quitting right now. At some point, I want to get my master’s degree and teach, but for now, I just want to pound the pavement and give acting my best shot. I thought he would understand that, he’s performer too—a classical singer. Lately, he’s had tons of success. He’s the lead in two operas and just got promoted at the Catholic shrine where he sings professionally. He regularly gets accolades, and I’ll admit it has been difficult for me to enjoy all his success when I don’t have much of my own. We always said we’d be “at arms length” from each other, but I couldn’t feel more low and distant. I know it would be counterproductive to get jealous, so I do my best to muscle up the strength to support him.
The combination of his hurtful words, angry and controlling tendencies, and the differences in success in our respected careers, has made me incredibly depressed. The truth is, his controlling nature and criticisms are so intense that I do have desolate days where I want to give up on everything, even my life. I have put on weight, stopped caring about my appearance (sometimes I don’t shower or brush my hair for days) and have started using alcohol and drugs to soothe my pain and anxiety, which I had never done before. Some friends of mine called and invited me over to smoke marijuana. As mentioned before, I don’t get invited out a lot and I was excited to spend time with new friends. I’ m not going to lie; the effect of the drugs was soothing and helped me escape my current situation.
Can This Relationship Be Saved? (Part 2)
By: Ginny Buckner (View Profile)
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7. Punishes you – An emotionally abusive man may withhold sex, emotional intimacy, or plays the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you.
8. Unwilling to seek help – An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside circumstances. 9. Disrespects women – Shows no respect towards his mother, sisters, or any women in his life. Thinks women are stupid and worthless. 10. Has a history of abusing women and/or animals or was abused himself – Batterers repeat their patterns and seek out women who are submissive and can be controlled. Abusive behavior can be a generational dysfunction and abused men have a great chance of becoming abusers. Men who abuse animals are much more likely to abuse women also.
3. Superiority – He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves. 4. Manipulates – Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it’s your fault he is abusive. Says he can’t help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to “help” him. Tells others you are unstable. 5. Mood Swings – His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred. 6. Actions don’t match words – He breaks promises, says he loves you and then abuses you.
We have broken down the top 10 signs of an abusive man. If your partner exhibits one or more of these signs, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship and seek help or get out. 1. Jealousy & Possessiveness – Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner. 2. Control – He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength.
Classic Warning Signs of an Abuser: 1. pushes for quick involvement 2. jealous 3. controlling 4. unrealistic expectations 5. isolation 6. blames others for problems or mistakes 7. makes others responsible for his feelings or emotions 8. hypersensitivity 9. cruelty to animals or children 10. "playful" use of force during sex 11. verbal abuse 12. rigid gender roles 13. sudden mood swings 14. past battering 15. threats of violence From: http://fukdatshhhh.wordpress.com/2007/12/30/classic‐warning‐signs‐of‐an‐abuser/ Your fiancee, based on this and your "My Biggest Secret" article, seem to me that he is an abuser. You should get away from him as fast as possible. He may seem like a great person some of the time, but even one instance of abuse is too many.
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