I decided to come clean to Sean almost immediately, and he went ballistic. He called me the nastiest names and declared I meant nothing to him, even though moments he said he loved me with all his heart. He said he would be even more strict with his “ultimatums” and that he no longer trusts me at all. He used to be so passionate about our dreams, our future, and us; now he is distant and serious about everything; all he ever talks about is his career or sports statistics. He used to laugh at my jokes and make sweeping romantic gestures. I have tried to ease us back into these old habits, but he’s not interested. He’s completely stoic about our relationship. I can barely make him laugh any more. I just want to rediscover little moments of our old relationship and build from there, like laughing at silly things, but he has completely shut me out.
Sean and I were summer camp sweethearts and each others first kiss. We were both fifteen and were completely infatuated with each other. We kept the relationship going through the fall and as most teenagers do, we started delving into sexual territory. I was uncomfortable but curious; he was forceful in his interest in sex with me. Even then, he used his anxiety and control tactics to manipulate me, something that affected me throughout my adolescence. He would call my house all the time and was anguished about letting go to me, but after months of strife, eventually we grew apart. As I grew older, I chalked up our debacle to teenage hormones and relationship inexperience. Seven years later, we found each other online and slowly started talking again. I was wary due to what had happened in our youth, but I found that I was fascinated and drawn to him all over again. He was just as passionate as me, he made me laugh, he was undeniably romantic and sensual, and most importantly, his idea of a future together was one that appealed to me. We spent sleepless nights conversing. After two weeks of talking online, I drove five hours to see him in a fit of passion and we had the most amazing weekend together. He cooked me dinner, bought me lingerie and showed me off to his friends. I have never felt so loved and gorgeous in my entire life.
Can This Relationship Be Saved? (Part 2)
By: Ginny Buckner (View Profile)
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7. Punishes you – An emotionally abusive man may withhold sex, emotional intimacy, or plays the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you.
8. Unwilling to seek help – An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside circumstances. 9. Disrespects women – Shows no respect towards his mother, sisters, or any women in his life. Thinks women are stupid and worthless. 10. Has a history of abusing women and/or animals or was abused himself – Batterers repeat their patterns and seek out women who are submissive and can be controlled. Abusive behavior can be a generational dysfunction and abused men have a great chance of becoming abusers. Men who abuse animals are much more likely to abuse women also.
3. Superiority – He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves. 4. Manipulates – Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it’s your fault he is abusive. Says he can’t help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to “help” him. Tells others you are unstable. 5. Mood Swings – His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred. 6. Actions don’t match words – He breaks promises, says he loves you and then abuses you.
We have broken down the top 10 signs of an abusive man. If your partner exhibits one or more of these signs, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship and seek help or get out. 1. Jealousy & Possessiveness – Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner. 2. Control – He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength.
Classic Warning Signs of an Abuser: 1. pushes for quick involvement 2. jealous 3. controlling 4. unrealistic expectations 5. isolation 6. blames others for problems or mistakes 7. makes others responsible for his feelings or emotions 8. hypersensitivity 9. cruelty to animals or children 10. "playful" use of force during sex 11. verbal abuse 12. rigid gender roles 13. sudden mood swings 14. past battering 15. threats of violence From: http://fukdatshhhh.wordpress.com/2007/12/30/classic‐warning‐signs‐of‐an‐abuser/ Your fiancee, based on this and your "My Biggest Secret" article, seem to me that he is an abuser. You should get away from him as fast as possible. He may seem like a great person some of the time, but even one instance of abuse is too many.
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