And now that we were adults, I was no longer coy about sex. We had fun spending time together; I was open about learning about opera and his obsession with hockey, and he would go with me to plays and museums. We’d fantasize about vacations, the names of our children, and our dream apartment in the city. I couldn’t believe the fairy tale of me marrying my childhood sweetheart might actually come true.
These days we barely talk about the future, and if we do, it’s about Sean’s job and the opportunities that lie ahead for him. He’s become anxious about money so we never talk about potential vacations or luxuries anymore, even though he used to love talking about cruises to the point where I could write a thesis on them. Now when we’re together, we usually just watch television or take long naps so we don’t have to converse. I’ve been trying to rekindle his romantic side, even something as small as going out to dinner, but he’s not interested. He doesn’t want to have sex anymore because he says it just causes more problems for us. We both love sex, maybe too much so, so the thought of us not being intimate anymore is devastating. I love him so much. Even as I write this, I still feel the passion in my soul, but we have such divided lines on everything, I’m not sure we can ever be united again as a couple.
I want to emphasize this in the most rhetorical sense. Can we find common ground and become a happy couple again? Part of me doesn’t even want responses; part of me knows they are inevitable.
(Part 1) | Part 2
Can This Relationship Be Saved? (Part 2)
By: Ginny Buckner (View Profile)
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7. Punishes you – An emotionally abusive man may withhold sex, emotional intimacy, or plays the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you.
8. Unwilling to seek help – An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside circumstances. 9. Disrespects women – Shows no respect towards his mother, sisters, or any women in his life. Thinks women are stupid and worthless. 10. Has a history of abusing women and/or animals or was abused himself – Batterers repeat their patterns and seek out women who are submissive and can be controlled. Abusive behavior can be a generational dysfunction and abused men have a great chance of becoming abusers. Men who abuse animals are much more likely to abuse women also.
3. Superiority – He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves. 4. Manipulates – Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it’s your fault he is abusive. Says he can’t help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to “help” him. Tells others you are unstable. 5. Mood Swings – His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred. 6. Actions don’t match words – He breaks promises, says he loves you and then abuses you.
We have broken down the top 10 signs of an abusive man. If your partner exhibits one or more of these signs, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship and seek help or get out. 1. Jealousy & Possessiveness – Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner. 2. Control – He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength.
Classic Warning Signs of an Abuser: 1. pushes for quick involvement 2. jealous 3. controlling 4. unrealistic expectations 5. isolation 6. blames others for problems or mistakes 7. makes others responsible for his feelings or emotions 8. hypersensitivity 9. cruelty to animals or children 10. "playful" use of force during sex 11. verbal abuse 12. rigid gender roles 13. sudden mood swings 14. past battering 15. threats of violence From: http://fukdatshhhh.wordpress.com/2007/12/30/classic‐warning‐signs‐of‐an‐abuser/ Your fiancee, based on this and your "My Biggest Secret" article, seem to me that he is an abuser. You should get away from him as fast as possible. He may seem like a great person some of the time, but even one instance of abuse is too many.
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