Never Ending

Thinking of where to start brings me to the thought of when and how it began. I was eighteen-years-old, and had already made a mess of my life. I already had a baby by a man that was as abusive as the relationship I am currently in. I had left that situation and returned to my hometown and was living back with my grandparents trying to figure out how to improve my life.

Then one day I meet what I thought was the love of my life, he seemed to have all the answers. He would go into the military and we would get married and start a family, again. I was in love; our first duty station was in Hawaii. I was so excited thinking I was going to live in paradise. But it didn’t take long to realize that again I had created a hell for myself. He was jealous and controlling and still the same way to this very day.

We had three beautiful children together, one girl, and two boys; he was always a good provider when the kids were little. Now he only gives me just enough to pay the bills because he says I give his money away, at first he would accuse me of sending money to my oldest son who was not his and he never showed any respect for and now he doesn’t pay the bills or give me money because he claims I give it to men he has retired from the military. Now a merchant mariner so he goes away but come back even meaner and more disrespectful each time.

I have a job working at a hospital as a medical records technician. I like it very much and have been there for nine years, it is one of the things I feel I have succeeded in and the people there like me and I like them, even though I still have to explain who and why certain people work  there, if there is any event going on outside of work I can’t attend because then he would be upset and accuse me of all sort of things.

Recently, about two months ago, he came to my job and embarrassed, and humiliated me, cussing me in the hallways and showing me no respect what so ever. He came to confront  a man that worked there that he thought I was having a affair with, even though I told him I had nothing to do with  this man.