Couple up or stay single? That is the question.
I often observe myself dreaming and wishing for my soul mate to knock on my door or catch my captivating glance in a crowded bustling downtown lobby. As our eyes meet and the lightning strikes us both, he walks up to me and asks me any silly question that pops out of his mouth.
OK back to reality.
Yet, while I think into it a little further, we’re dating, engaged and married. My wish came true or so I think, until I then start dreaming into it a little further. Whoah, little dogie!
The details go something like this: We start dating and all of a sudden I am starting to obsess about my weight (which I do already, but I can do that on my own time) and whether or not he really likes me all the time and is thinking about our future and is thinking about marriage and is thinking about other women....What?
Here comes the insecurity brigade marching into my brain taking up my precious time that I used to spend wishing for my soul mate and wallowing in luscious self pity. But that time was mine. No one owned me. If I chose to be happy, I could be happy that day. If I chose to be sad, crazy, manic or sleepy, I could. As my dreaming into my life with my soul mate continues, I start to be someone I am not. We get along great (because I am fun and easy to get along with), we start eating out too much, and going to concerts and events to the point that we have nothing else to talk about. I'm now gaining weight and my insecurities are growing because of my weight gain. He somehow senses my insecurities and seems to use them to manipulate me…or so I imagine. I start becoming more and more eager to please and this begins the cycle of initial anger and disrespect that starts brewing.
PREVIOUS PAGE
