Yes, the sex is fine and great at first. But he never really gets to know me and I start to become what he wants me to become. Soon, he asks me to marry him and we are now living together during our engagement. Since I’m used to doing things my way, the situation is more than a little tense because I no longer can leave the dishes undone for days if I please. I can't watch three movies in a row without feeling guilty about wasting time. I can't discipline my kids the way I really want to. I can't come and go as I please. We get married and you can just imagine the rest...
More than all this imagined disruption is the basic fact that maybe I don't want to have to give of myself to someone else unless they really know and respect me. I want the imagined security and love that a relationship brings, but I don't want to give up who I am and what I want. Who I am and what I want changes all the time as I continue to evolve and grow.
And maybe I can't bring myself to give up my personal life which more people would be wise to cherish. I don't feel single; it’s more like a connectedness to everything and everyone. How and why we couple up is still a mystery and sometimes brings unfulfilled promises and disappointments. I feel free and full of unforeseen possibilities to love, laugh, choose, dream, create, travel and just be…myself.
Today I get to decide what to eat, what to do, when to go and how to dress. How could anyone give that up?
You decide.
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