Averting Valentine’s Day Disaster

The more I learn about interactions between men and women, the more I realize how Valentine’s Day can be a set-up for men to fail and for women to be disappointed. Yes, from time to time, people have a wonderful celebration (I hope you are one of them). But for too many people, Valentine’s Day has become the antithesis of romance. The day often results in a disaster for all involved: men, women, love, romance, and relationships. Personally, I would prefer to see the entire day banned!

disaster n. 1 serious or sudden misfortune; calamity. 2 complete failure causing great harm or damage.

Formula for Valentine’s Day Success

It is unlikely that Valentine’s Day will be banned anytime soon. In the meantime, these suggestions can help transform potential disaster into a contribution to you and your relationships.

First, consider that you might want this day to be as much about giving as getting.
You could ask the man in your life what would make him feel appreciated that day.

Second, remember that whatever he provides for you on Valentine’s Day is a gift. You have not earned any special treatment just because this day is marked on a calendar. Expectations turn receivers into takers. The giver can now only submit or resist – no chance to be generous or creative or romantic. Watch out for “timed expectations.” For example, in a nine month-old relationship we expect consideration for marriage and potentially a marriage proposal on Valentine’s Day. Ladies, our timelines are ours alone – men haven’t agreed to them nor are they generally aware of them. In the Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women® workshop, we explore how we can win with men more often when we let them in on “little secrets” like these.

Third, provide quality information for what you would like to receive. Because women mistakenly believe that a man should already know what they want—and they think it doesn’t really count if you have to tell them—most men will not know how to succeed at Valentine’s Day. The majority will fail for lack of useful information. (See below for how to provide quality information)