Averting Valentine’s Day Disaster

Fourth, tell your husband, boyfriend, lover, new man you are dating, brother, son or friend what you need and what will make you happy. Tell them simply and honestly. Make sure it is not a demand. Tell him why you are talking about it—so he can succeed. Tell them what Valentine’s Day means to you. Tell them how their efforts will enhance your life. For example, you could say something like:

“I know Valentine’s Day can be a real problem for men. Whatever you do, I will appreciate it. But, I don’t want you to have to wonder how to succeed. What Valentine’s Day means to me is ________________. What you do for me on that day makes me feel _________. All that I honestly need is __________. Beyond that, what would make me really happy is __________________.”

Fifth, ask, “Is there anything you need me to do, for you to be able to give me what I need on Valentine’s Day?” Take his answer seriously! The answer may be, “remind me nicely,” or, “make the reservations.” If you are unwilling to provide what he needs, don’t expect him to do what you have asked.

How Valentine’s Day Kills Romance

spontaneous adj. 1 acting in accordance with or resulting from a natural feeling, impulse, or tendency, without any constraint, effort, or premeditation. 2 having no apparent external cause or influence; occurring or produced by its own energy, force, etc. or through internal causes; self-acting.

The opportunity to be spontaneous is essential to men expressing their love and affection. This doesn’t mean they don’t like to plan romantic situations. It means the source of planning romantic situations comes from their own inspiration, not from an expectation of ours.

The conditions created by Valentine’s Day are the opposite of spontaneity. They actually prevent men from being romantic, which they truly enjoy.

• Everyone else is going out to dinner, making it an ordinary thing to do instead of a special thing to do.
• With the crowd out to dinner, there is little chance for solitude and intimacy, especially while waiting for a table.