How to Stay Married for at Least Twenty-five Years

2. Create new traditions together—Glenn and I got married on Chinese New Year in 1979, so we celebrate our anniversary on Chinese New Year, even though the date changes each year. We got married at a Chinese restaurant in Beverly Hills with a dozen friends in attendance, so our anniversary tradition is to eat at a different Asian restaurant each year.

Our first anniversary required us to get Chinese take-out, however, as our daughter Risa had just been born. On our tenth and twentieth anniversaries, we invited all of our friends to bring their favorite Chinese take-out and had amazing feasts. On our twenty-fifth anniversary, a dozen friends joined us at our favorite neighborhood Chinese place, which was like our wedding even though all of our friends had changed. This family tradition makes our anniversaries special and is lots of fun. Finding your own family traditions that go beyond the usual holiday events gives you something special to look forward to each year and creates happy memories.

3. Identify your “deal breakers”—In every relationship, there are differences of opinion. But not every difference is a “deal breaker”—that’s something you absolutely can’t live with. Since marriage is actually a business deal of sorts, knowing what your deal breakers are can save a lot of frustration, as they’re things you won’t compromise on to save the “deal,” no matter what.

Deal breakers are different for each person and each relationship. For example, infidelity can be a deal breaker for some but it may not be a deal breaker for others, depending on the circumstances. By identifying your deal breakers, you can relax and won’t make mountains out of molehills, as well as sense when it’s time to change or leave the deal.

4. Put up with small annoyances (or guilt your partner into changing them)—Glenn and I both hate washing dishes, but he’s much better at it than I am. His mother taught him and his three brothers how to help around the house while mine never made me do chores, so I avoid washing dishes like the plague when I see that the sink is full. This of course drives him nuts. When he finally complains about it enough, I feel so guilty that I wash my dishes as soon as I use them … at least for a while.