How to Stay Married for at Least Twenty-five Years

In turn, it drives me nuts when Glenn leaves his shoes in the middle of the living room since I usually trip over them in the dark. But, instead of complaining, I just move them. When he does this frequently, however, I put his shoes on his side of the bed. This helps him remember not to leave them in the middle of the floor, at least for a while. So, we’ve learned to cope with the small annoyances, as well as how to gently alert each other when “enough is enough.”

5. Be more considerate of your partner than your friends—I don’t do this as much as I should, but my friend Judy—who has lived with her boyfriend Bill for over thirty years on a farm in Mendocino with no electricity or running water—says this is the key to their long relationship. She wonders why people treat those they live with and love with less consideration than people they only see occasionally.

This is logical, but contrary to human nature, it seems. Most of us don’t treat the people we love with as much respect as people we barely know but want to impress. When I treat Glenn badly, Judy’s advice comes to mind and helps me apologize and change my responses, since Glenn is one of the two most important people in my life.

6. Stay independent while being together—The key to our marriage, I believe, is that Glenn and I give each other a lot of freedom in addition to having things in common. For example, we’ve kept our finances separate except for one joint savings account. So, we’re not overly concerned about what the other spends or earns, as long as we each stay responsible for our finances. We also help the other out whenever one of us has a cash flow crunch.

In addition, we each have friends and activities that are separate from the other. But we don’t feel left out or jealous since we appreciate the time we can spend together, which is never enough. Most of our together time is spent traveling, and we look forward to having more time for that in future years. Maintaining our individual freedoms actually keeps us together as we don’t have to separate to do things we want that the other doesn’t enjoy.