“It’s a fascinating relationship. They fall into their old pattern and either stay there and make it work and they are miserable, or a non-negotiable comes up, or one gets abusive, or another has an affair. In Getting Back to Love, we address the Mama’s Girl and Daddy’s Boy personality stuff to start making changes [in order] to get that love back.”
During their courtship, Sarah worked on not taking care of Joseph in order to work out her need to dominate.
“This is a pride-educing thing. When I refrain from being the man [an extreme of the Daddy’s Girl], I am so proud of myself. I allowed myself to be in this uncomfortable place and I’m giving Joseph the freedom to be the man [and be responsible for himself, even if] he might have to deal with resentment of the Daddy’s Girl not taking care of things.”
Develop Your Femininity
Sarah also shared what she did differently—by focusing on her femininity when she met Joseph—so that this Daddy’s Girl/Mama’s Boy bond could stick.
“I wanted Joseph to know [that I liked him], but I wanted to show him in a feminine way. [To do that] the woman has to wait and let the man speak first and give a man extended eye contact, which to me was a lot scarier then just spelling it out … I always let him contact me first. He disappeared and it was nail biting not to chase him, but I created a space for him to chase me.”
And Joseph noticed. He believes their relationship started in a stronger place than past relationships because Sarah took her time.
“Sarah drew a boundary by insisting we wait three months before sex. It allowed me to keep chasing her and created that ongoing sexual tension. It allowed me to be a man and continue to chase her and created the space for me to be in the masculine and she in the feminine.”
This blossomed into their marriage and their life coaching business, Ideal Relationships, so that they could take what had learned and take it out into world to support others.
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