Proverbial Woman, Chapter 3, Part 1

“I was an Investment Banker for seven years. I took over the firm that my grandfather founded fifty-eight years ago on Wall Street.I enjoyed the work. Except it led me to neglect the one most important thing that should have made all the difference in my life.”

“What was her name?”

“Her name was Elizabeth. And she was the love of my life.” He added in a solemn tone.

“Your wife?”

“And best friend… All she wanted was to share her love with me. And perhaps three nights out of the week see me walk through the door before 6:30 p.m. I failed to listen to her heart one too many times. I took what we had for granted.”

“I’m sorry. The two of you are no longer together?” I inquired.

“No. She wasn’t found until the following morning. The police said someone must have run her off the road during the storm in the mid-evening hours of the night before. When they found the car turned upside down on an embankment just below the overpass a few miles from our home, they said it was apparent she must have prepared a meal for us to share at the office that night. She was on her way to surprise me.

Didn’t get in until late that night. I thought she had stayed over at her sister’s to avoid the ride home in the storm. Unfortunately I was wrong. Earlier the following morning my world fell apart as I got word of what happened. And to add to my lost, later that day I also found out she was three weeks pregnant with our first child. You can’t imagine the guilt that I sometimes feel.

Well. Anyway. After that I couldn’t focus on anything except the mistake I made. I gave up my post at the firm and spent the next few years bumming around Europe. I wrestled with my soul day after day, night after night. It was one night in Paris I felt so bad that I just needed to be with someone. I met this woman on the train who was traveling to meet with her daughter. As we started talking she suggested that I come along. It was not until a few days later during the course of getting to know one another, she said she saw in my heart a severed spirit.

Anyway. As it turns out her daughter had been away for two years in the Far East studying the philosophy and techniques of Ancient Massage Therapy. After becoming acquainted and allowing myself to become her subject to practice on, I fell in love with this form of body therapy.

It wasn’t long after that I convinced her that I would finance the trip for the two of us to go back so I could learn the skills she acquired. After about three weeks of daily pleads, my persistence eventually prevailed. Her giving in to me became the turning point that led to my salvation.”

“So, did it help you get over the pain of losing her?” I asked, reluctantly.

“You never get over losing a part of yourself. You just learn to live with the memories that were left behind. But there is one thing I’m constantly reminded of, and that is how she committed herself to the preserving of our marriage.

She gave herself over to me without question. Even against the uncertainties of life, and the ways of my heart. And in the mist of my blind ignorance of ambition and selfishness, I lost her to a will stronger than that of my own. It was necessary for me to end up the way I did. I had to be humbled.

The truth that love imprint upon our hearts is as undeniable and yet inconsumable as the air we breathe. It can easily become a source of pain, though as much a burden that the mind refuses to relinquish. As if to have engaged in a lifelong waltz with an imaginative destiny, I will forever entertain thoughts of her and I and our child.

Out of all the self-anger I suffered my way through, what I mostly realized during my journey back to sanity, is that broken hearts always clarify lessons learned. It took the losing of my Elizabeth to realize that true love is as fleeting winds moving across the landscape of life.

She once caught hold of those winds and allowed them to take her places I knew nothing about. After going through this great loss, the best advice I would give someone would be to treat the love you share with the utmost respect. Nothing can be further from happiness than a heart that has loved and lost as a result of not completely giving.”

“Do you think one day you will love again?”

“Yes, I would like to. But I also know that cannot happen until I first get beyond the pain of my past. I’m gradually healing. I’m starting to take control over the pain. I want to let go. It’s a challenge…I’m still missing her. ” He added, as he suddenly withdrew his hands.

“Devin, you’re a special man. I know there are many women out there who would be more than willing to commit to you.”

“I’m sure there is also. But happiness first starts with me. I have to first know that I’m okay. After that, it’s just a matter of taking the first step.” he added, as he withdrew into silence.

Immediately returning to where he left off.