Proverbial Woman, Chapter 3, Part 2

“Yes. The length you’ll go to achieve something. Which sometimes include wagering the feelings of others. It’s devastating how we can be so determined and full of ourselves that we fail to see the beauty of sacrifice. Especially in instances when a man or woman surrenders their heart for the sake of one another. I know the outcome is sometimes uncertain. And it is usually right at that time we feel happiness is attainable on our own terms. But then life comes along and humbles us to a point of emptiness.”

By now his words were beginning to remind me of things I’ve heard in the past. Pausing as he changed sides as he walked around the table, before he could say another word I softly injected.

“I remember one time when I was driving back from a weekend visit with my parents. This was right after they had gotten their marriage back on track. I heard this Chaplin on a radio talk show telling how he had come to believe our emotional responses sometimes serve as indicators of where we are on our spiritual walk with God.

The discussion weighed heavy on my heart as I considered what my parents had been going through at the time. After I returned home I had began to think more deeply about it. Considering it even more, I began to think about everything that took place. After that, what then became my main focus were the series of difficult emotions I watched them go through.

For the first three years or so it wasn’t easy for them. But as time went on they became more in tune with one another’s feelings. They didn’t fight as much as they did in the past. And I knew their reasons weren’t just because my mother was dying. It had a lot to do with their desire to understand one another. And that meant watching out for their emotional indicators.

When we descend into bouts of anger we’re not only distancing ourselves from the person our anger is directed toward, but also God’s love. It is when we love one another without cause we’re extending what He gives to us unconditionally. But for all the wrong reasons we tend to turn it around and impose our own conditions to accommodate our wants and needs. 

My father taught me one of life’s greatest lessons regarding love. But then after watching him fight his way through it and losing his faith in his last days, I kind of took on a cynical approach to maintaining a relationship with God. Except now everywhere I turn I’m starting to see those subtle indicators reminding me of my need for reproach.”

“At least you are able to see them…” he quietly interceded.

“How do you feel about God?” I asked, forgoing his comment.

“The beacon of my world, the spiritual light from which I see the reflection of myself.” he paused, before adding.