Proverbial Woman, Chapter 4, Part II

“I’m sorry to have imposed,” he consoled. “I think we are done here. You’ve been very kind to me. And I know you will do quite well as an author. The book is truly remarkable! Again, I thank you.”

“And I thank you,” I replied as I reached for the napkin on the table.

“I’m going to call my wife and let her know how it went. Thank you. Thank you very much.” He added as he stood and extended his hand out to me, before we proceeded to move in separate directions.

Making my way out of the restaurant, I started thinking how surprised he must have been to witness the sudden change in my demeanor. Based on my reaction he realized his last question must have been a little too personal. I didn’t mind answering, except lately I’ve been struggling with the whole idea of re-living that memory of my life.

Knowing there would come times when I would have to confront my feelings, I don’t think she would have wanted it any other way. She knew I would live with the pain of her scars for many years to come. And the only way for me to get past it, would be to talk about it.

Stepping out unto the street as I hailed an approaching taxi at a near-by intersection, in an unsettling fancy I began considering the course my life had begun to take. Looking around and noticing a cultural city filled with beautiful people, I gradually found myself entertaining the innumerable possibilities of others like myself out here seeking the same thing out of life.

On one end I’m happy and satisfied with the joy that I occasionally feel. But then there are those times when I find myself lying alone in bed in the early morning hours, thinking of ways I can fill those vulnerable moments of my day.

Sometimes I even find myself looking at every passing prospect as if he could be the potential man of my dreams. But only then to afterward suffer the anxiety of the whole idea drifting away in a lasting snapshot detailing what the future could actually hold for us.

For so long my life seemed unbalanced. And yet I’ve managed to govern my thoughts and feelings to the extent of what benefited me the most. Except now I feel as if I’m just a fish out water trying to find a mate to fit into an aquarium of my own making.

“Cathedral Hill Hotel, please…” I exhaustedly sighed as I slid into the back seat.
As we made our way through the intersection, I resumed mentally sifting through those fledging circumstances of my life.