My Truth

Ever since I was a young girl all I have wanted was to fall in love. I wanted to meet the man of my dreams and eventually be married, then have a child. I am only twenty-two years old and funny as fitting as life is my feelings have changed. My heart still longs to be with someone very special, but I find I have started wanting more in my life or less depending on which way you look at it. I have been heartbroken a few times recently in the past year and this has taught me a great deal. I realize I had a tendency to overlook a man’s serious characteristics that are not compatible with my own in order to “be in love.” I write a lot about being in between love and lust and find this is a significant topic. What is lust? What is love? Many people have such strength in their own opinion, as I in my own. Lately strength has come over me and I feel as though I have been able to sleep with a man that I would choose not to be in a relationship with. Is this odd; is this out of the norm? For me, absolutely! I used to fall in love over and over, I seem to find something in different men that I could love for that time being and it carries me as long as my heart is willing to beat itself up for. Recently I have been in a circumstance that has compromised my living situation. I will not go into heavy details, but I will say that this lover was but a door away from my own. When I met this man I felt an interesting desire to well, have sex with him. Not as strong as I have lusted in my past, but there was an attraction. Time hardly passed before he became much closer to me, we spend a lot of time together and I made a conscious decision within my mind. If time allowed the chance, and he was into it I would sleep with him. This time it was different though, as I explained above I no longer has a real romantic attachment to him. I felt as though I could truly make love without love and so that is what I did. I call this my truth because the truth is something that people may not want to hear, it is something that can and may hurt others around you and even yourself.