Sex with a Republican: Love and Politics

I love Howard Dean. Even after his freakout four years ago, I still adore him, almost as much as Barack Obama. I am pro-choice, anti-gun, and absolutely totally in support of gay marriage. You get the picture; I’m a Democrat.

Yet, still, despite my leftist view of the world, and my genuine affection for Howard and Barack, I can’t help but fantasize about bedding down a Republican. Maybe it’s because I never have—kind of like the white woman who has only dated white men and finds herself wondering what it would be like to do it with a man of another race. A liberal, in every sense of the word, I have slept my way through the rainbow, so having sex outside my race hardly seems taboo.

My perverse fantasy? Ripping the red power tie and Brooks Brothers suit (NRA membership card in back pocket) off a Republican and throwing him down between his gun cases to find out how good of a shot he can fire.

Liberals tend to be open-minded, politically correct, and always willing to hear another person’s view of the world. I find all these things attractive, of course, at least outside of the bedroom. I can’t stand Republicans at a dinner party. (Or at least, I am guessing I wouldn’t be able to stand them at a dinner party, if I had ever attended a party of any sort with Republicans.)

I imagine the scenario would go something like this: Everyone is talking about politics over red meat (I request tofu just to make a point) and this conservative jerk starts talking about the death penalty. If a thug is convicted of murder, that thug deserves to fry, this guy tells his elephant-minded friends. I am angry and start ranting about how our justice system is unfair to minorities, about the number of death-row convictions that have been overturned with DNA evidence, how we as human beings have no right to decide who can live and die …

The Republican’s face is as red as his politics, as he and I get in a heated debate. Just conjuring up this guy in my imagination, I hate him. But then the fantasy somehow turns to the two of us sneaking out of the dining room and meeting up secretly in an upstairs McMansion bedroom and … well let’s just say we give back-door politics a whole new meaning.