Love makes people psychotic, and I mean that literally. Reality gets distorted. The irrational become rational. People start believing things they would’ve considered preposterous five minutes before Mr. or Ms. Right walked into the room. Deep forces, ranging from fear to sexual desire, take the wheel and kick logic out at the corner.
Most of the time, this is a good thing. We need to go a bit crazy when we fall in love. Otherwise, people would base decisions about relationships on such inanities as diet, closet organization, and the position of the toilet seat when one exits the lavatory. Love puts on blinders to the little things and magnifies the big things, such as life goals, values, sense of humor, and a cute butt. If love didn’t addle our brains, nobody would get married except to get on someone’s insurance plan or the fast track to citizenship. And we wouldn’t learn and grow when the blinders come off. Learning to live with the annoying peccadilloes of another person is part of developing a healthy relationship. It’s part of becoming a better person. Like I said, most of the time it’s good that love makes us a little nuts.
Most of the time.
C.S. Lewis wrote, “Love, having become a god, becomes a demon.” Some relationships stir up feelings so intense that we get lost. We make bad decisions and do stupid things. We encounter situations we can’t control and end up with people we love, hate, and love to hate. The emotions unearthed by romance make relationships difficult. In the worst cases, it can make someone despair of ever having a happy, healthy love life. If this has never happened to you . . . well, enjoy sharing a place with Jesus, Ghandi and that virgin-queen lady after you die.
“Sally” was a woman who came to me because her boyfriend cheated on her regularly. Jealousy and anxious suspicion haunted her every interaction with him. She’d caught her boyfriend with another woman six months before and recently discovered that he was still emailing her. (Ever notice that the philanderers of the world don’t know how to use a delete button?). However, she refused to leave him. She “loved him too much.” She was convinced that she could change him. She knew that she could make the relationship good enough for him to remain faithful.
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