But here’s the problem: it doesn’t matter what his motives are. Either way, he’s leading you on. Doesn’t he realize that this situation is driving you nuts?
If he really wanted to be “nice,” he wouldn’t give you mixed signals or encouragement until he was free and clear of his girlfriend. Even if he does dump her and date you, there’s a chance you’ll be slightly (and understandably) paranoid of his ex resurfacing. Or you might worry that he’ll do the same thing: continuing to date you while warming up another girl in the bullpen (sorry for the sports metaphor, but I’m a man shrink, after all).
This is one of the problems with “nice” guys. They can create hurt and confusion in their quest to keep everyone happy. They don’t realize that it can be selfish, causing more pain for others in the long run.
But I’m more curious about you than I am Mr. Romantic Multitasker. Why would you keep a fire burning for a man with a girlfriend? Why would you want a man who behaves like this with women? It also sounds like you don’t know him that well, which piques my interest even more. It sounds like he’s pushed one of your buttons. A psychological one, I mean. Mind out of the gutter, please.
A woman will wait around for an unavailable man because of:
(a) low self-esteem
(b) early experiences with unavailable men
(c) a and b
The self-esteem thing works like this. Unconsciously, you believe that you can’t have a man who’s nuts about you and only you. In fact, you might even think there’s something wrong with such a gentleman. Any man who’s excited about you must have bad taste because you’re not really loveable. But a guy who throws you some spare emotional change while investing in another relationship would make sense.
Another possibility is that you’re used to trying to get the affection of a man who doesn’t give you attention. This could come from a relationship with a physically or emotionally absent father, an older brother who ignored you, or even a lonely adolescence. A lot of people with loving parents strike out so much in high school that they start thinking no one will love them. We carry those experiences into adult relationships. We all need love and attachment, and the memories of when they were denied stick with us.
