I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. I’m his first. He’s 25 and I’m 21. I had a previous boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, who I wouldn’t allow to watch porn. It had always bothered me and he agreed not to. When we were living together he lied to me about not watching it for the time we were together, or he found ways to get it. After I had found out, I was paranoid and always checked everything I could to see if he was lying again.
But that was in the past and I have grown up since then. It was fine for my present boyfriend to watch porn, seeing as when I moved in after 2 months he already had a collection. I did accept it. He didn’t have any from the computer much but that was really because he didn’t know much about them. About 8 months ago he started learning and teaching himself about the computer and online. Then it became where he would go out to the living room, before I would even get up, and watch porn and then come back to bed being horny. I then confronted him and I was hesitant to be ok with that but finally I made myself realize that he’s coming to me. Then it would be that he would go out to the computer when I was awake and look at porn. I again confronted him and told him I didn’t like it that he chose to look at other women when I was right there with him. You know? Why didn’t he want to look at me?
We have had so many discussions on this issue of mine. We had both agreed that it was an issue I had. I do admit that I’m a jealous person. I was a sexually driven person maybe about half the time he was, which I knew was very common. Then he would not try to have sex with me for days at a time. I was a little worried but not enough to draw it to his attention. I have got to tell you first that he’s not like most men who are into “regular” porn but is into BDSM and seeing women in clothes, rather than off. I am into to it too. I really like everything that he has taught me. I’m the dominant one most of the time but I’ve told him I would love it if he were to be the dominant one at least sometimes.
We don’t have much to play with, but did with what he had.
My Boyfriend Watches Porn Everyday
By: Fairy Yume (View Profile)
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i know exactly how you feel and i am at aloss as well. My self esteem is suffering so much that I am seriously considering seeking out a one night stand just so that I know that I am desirable to a man. I want him so much, and the more I desire him, the less he wants me. I can honestly say that this is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt, because there is absolutely nothing I can do that will make him see how much this is hurting and affecting me, and at times I wish I had never falllen in love at all, if this was the way it had to be. I am not a jealous person by nature ,but feeling like I am unwanted has turned me into a suspicious, insecure disatster. I really hope you find some kind of rememdy for this and let me know, because at this point I can imagine my life w/o him hurting less than living this way...
Well Fairy I actually just wrote an article all about this. http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22081/48055‐beginning There are two things at work here. You don't understand porn. He has an issue/trauma somewhere that causes him to gravitate toward BDSM. The porn part is an easy answer: It has nothing to do with your relationship. It is part of male sexualaity to desire visual sexual stimulation. The other stuff is rough. Does he have an adictive personality? Not by assumption. Has he ever had a drug or drinking problem? What was his childhood like. Mother relationship. Molestation? Sexual Abuse? Physicall Abuse? Absentee Parent? Things like that can cause this. One of the biggest warning signs for unhealthy behavior is the effect it has on your personal relationships. Has work, family, friends and love paid a price for porn? Then it is a problem. If not then there is just a differing moral view of pornography.
Sounds like this is something he can't give up. Maybe you need to decide whether you can live with it, or him for that matter, or whether you need to look elsewhere. Perhaps there is a guy out there who is more like you with similar interests. A lot of guys like porn, but if he's more interested in virtual sex than sex with you, to heck with him. There are plenty of fish in the sea!
I do not have any answers for you. I have a boyfriend that even after we have sex he looks at porn on the computer. He runs out and does this. So what does that mean? He has said that he would stop and did for a week or two. He does not come to look at me. He gets less and less into sex and I think lazier as it goes on. I know how you feel. I feel so unattractive and I am becoming depressed about it. Everyone tells me to get on medicine but I do not see how that will help. I am sorry and wish that things were not like that for you. I have came to the conclusion that the problem is his and it is not me. somewhere out there maybe there is a guy who will want to look at me instead of a fantasy.
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