Ten Reasons Why a Christmas Tree is Better Than a Man

By: Liz Monte ( Little_person View Profile)

1. A Christmas tree knows that the angel always goes on top.

2. Once you spend enough time fiddling with its base, a Christmas tree always stands
erect.

3. A Christmas tree knows it looks much better with a woman’s touch.

4. When you bring out the ornament box, a Christmas tree knows who really has the
balls.

5. A Christmas tree is always the right fit, because you can assess the goods before
bringing it home.

6. A Christmas tree never shrinks when it gets cold outside.

7. If you get tired of one of its limbs, you can just saw it off.

8. When the Christmas tree starts to lose its needles and get saggy, you can throw it out.

9. When you put your box underneath the tree, the Christmas tree doesn’t immediately try
to open the package.

10. Because you’re in charge of decorating, you can ensure that the Christmas tree is
always well hung.

First published December 2007

8 readers liked this story.

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Comments

Tsk Tsk Tsk Imagine if the tables were turned and a man wrote something similar? He would be crucified! Men and women need to start respecting each other and stop bashing each other. No, its not funny and its not entertaining! There are other funny stuff we women can write about.

Wow-- let's just keep up these jokes and no one will need to ask for equality-- we will all be in the gutter together.

I thought it was funny and clever!

Um, Bridgette, the reason it's about penises and vaginas is that this is the love & sex department. Admittedly it's not Letterman quality, but at least seven out of the ten made me laugh. I'm forwarding it to several friends who will appreciate it.

Very funny, a nice lighhearted piece of humor. Ignore the ugly digs (Bridgette, was that criticism? I thought your comments were just vulgar and irrelevant)

Wow-- let's just keep up these jokes and no one will need to ask for equality-- we will all be in the gutter together.

I thought it was funny and clever!

Very funny, a nice lighhearted piece of humor. Ignore the ugly digs (Bridgette, was that criticism? I thought your comments were just vulgar and irrelevant)

I laughed my ass off! Darlin', you got a funny sense of humor. By the way, I despise cold weather and I think Bridgette's comment is full of crap and just a little bitter. Damn, that girl needs to lighten up!

This was awesome! Thanks for making my day.

Well I can't speak for anyone elese but I thought it was awsome!! You just inspired me to dig out one of my old x-mas poems that I wrote.. Im sure when I put in here ill get alot of feed back. Anyways, loved it, an keep them coming..

I just read a similar thing about why Christmas trees are better than women. I love seeing it turned back on MEN - way to go, Liz! Thanks for making me laugh! Funny stuff - thanks for sharing. Give us more!

Pshhht....just read Bridgett's comment. please women, you're in the Love&Sex section, get over it. Keep writing Liz!

Tee hee hee, that was a good laugh Liz! I'm totally going to be thinking differently about my tree this year. You forgot to mention, 'trimming the tree', i've met some men that could use a 'trim' at least once a year!

Wow, Liz, thanks for taking taking women's rights back a few decades with this pile of garbage you call humor. Your entire article is about dicks. Dicks and vaginas. How does that make you feel? Did you wake up in a cold sweat one night and scribble this down on a notepad thinking that somehow, this article was "the one"? The one that would put you, Elizabeth Monte on the internet map? Liz, is that what your father calls you? I wonder what he would think about your article about dicks. I bet he would be proud. Do me a favorite, and next time inspiration strikes, try taking an entire bottle full of painkillers instead.

I'm glad that we're writing in an open, professional community that allows for criticism. Maybe if you delete enough of my comments I'll think differently about your article. As a matter of fact, it's happening already! Your insights are witty and original (I never before thought that women were different than men! The fact that you have noticed this and pointed it out in a public environment is hilarious!), and you're definitely NOT creating a rift between genders that flies in the face of the equality and end to stereotyping that feminists have been fighting for decades. Keep up the good work!

Oh my god, this is hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh today!

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