Why We Flirt: The Science of Sex

Moves Have Messages
By studying humans in their natural courting habitat (usually bars), scientists have been able to document the movements we make when we’re interested in someone else. As it turns out, we’re all quite predictable. A woman smiles, raises her eyebrows, opens her eyes wide, holds a gaze, fidgets with her hair, lowers and tilts her head, and laughs. A man might jut out his chin, try to make his chest appear as large as possible, unconsciously flex an arm, laugh aloud, and smile. But what do all these ridiculous gestures mean?

By comparing our actions with those of animals, it becomes clear that moves have messages. A woman tilts her head and shows off her neck as a sign of vulnerability and submission. I see my friend’s dog, a female boxer named Mable Mae, do this all the time. When a male dog is approaching, she turns her head and flattens her ears as if to say, “I’m a lover, not a fighter. Don’t bite.” The male dog naturally assumes the taller, dominant stance. Mable also steals sideways glances, just as we do when flirting, to show she’s demure and hard to get, yet interested.

Read My Lips
Like a lioness presenting herself to a mate, women will arch their backs and show off their hips to indicate fertility. Though I hate the stereotype of a giggly, doe-eyed blonde, women laugh and open their eyes wide not because they’re ditzy, but because it conveys an image of surrender and youth. (No wonder Dolly Parton was so jovial and popular.) While both men and women will make prolonged eye contact with people they’re interested in, a woman might also lick her lips, helping to bring visual attention to the mouth. If someone is staring at your lips he may be thinking of how to kiss them; scientists also think that our facial lips mimic our vaginal ones, and licking them shows sexual intent. (I swear, sometimes scientists have the dirtiest minds.)

Though a man might not pound his chest like Tarzan while in a crowd, it’s only because of social constraints. He’s still trying to put forth his strong jaw, an indicator of high testosterone levels, and spread his arms and chest to look muscular and strong. Yet he doesn’t want to look too strong or threatening, so he laughs and smiles frequently. Confident and powerful enough to protect his brood; nice enough not to harm the doe.