What Do You Do When You Catch Your Husband Cheating?

In your profession, I am sure you have heard the worse stories of men cheating on their wives. What is the worse story you have ever heard?

I know of a man who was unemployed for several years while his wife’s business was supporting their family. Instead of looking for work, he started an affair with the nanny. the wife kept trying to work things out, the husband strung her along for two years while socking away money so he could move out with the nanny. The wife was angry for a long time—she’d essentially supported her cheating husband and his girlfriend for two years, while she worked AND took care of the kids. The good news is, once he moved out, both she and the children were a lot happier.

If a woman catches her man cheating, what’s the first thing you recommend them do?

Collect all the evidence you can before you confront a cheating spouse. If you confront him without any solid proof, he’ll deny it, and work a lot harder to conceal the evidence. Once you have proof, confront him and move on from there.

Before the main character in your book found out her husband was cheating, her advice to others was to get rid of them once they were found out. Is that good advice overall?? I mean, once a cheater, always a cheater?

This is a tough question, and I think the answer is different for everyone. I tend to be a hard-liner on cheaters. I think if you keep a cheater, you’ve essentially taught them that they can fool around with basically no repercussions, and you’ll stay. If you have children, the situation becomes much more complicated. Statistically, cheaters tend to be repeat offenders. If you do take him back, I’d make sure he feels the consequences before you let him back into your house or your bed.

To wrap up, what words of wisdom can you give women everywhere who never want to be caught in that position?

First, make sure your spouse is aware of the penalties for cheating (loss of income, loss of children, public embarrassment, etc.) and that cheating is a deal-breaker for you. If your husband is a chronic cheating type, there’s not much you can do, other than live with it, or move on. If your husband is basically a decent guy, and you want to keep him from temptation, make yourself a friendly fixture around his office, which is where 70 percent of affairs happen. (It’s a lot harder to sleep with man if you like his wife.)

Thank you for the interview, Lisa. Can you tell us where we can learn more about you and your delightful book, Fifteen Minutes of Shame?