Student for Life

It’s like pulling teeth to get me to write anything these days. I sincerely want to; it’s just that I’m unable for whatever reason (or excuse). I think I’m afraid to put down on paper what’s going on in my head and life. Other times I’ve been so eager to empty out my brain and have it clear, but I guess it’s kind of like taking a hit. I just want to take it all in and hold it inside to make the high last longer.

I’ve always been one to ponder love and all its intricacies and I’ve decided the whole “falling in love” concept is so cliché. The words on love are unoriginal, overused, and superficial when compared to the actual physiological feelings being produced within our bodies. I’m deathly afraid of being unoriginal, so I live off my feelings. I am almost certain that they are unique to me, at least more so than the words I would use to describe them. Maybe someone else has felt this exact way, but I highly doubt it. How is my feeling about X the same as anyone else’s feelings on X or even someone’s feelings on Y? We’ll never really know. We can just use words to convey the feelings and hope and pray that someone understands what the hell we’re talking about. Words used to be my freedom; now they’re my road block. They don’t do my feelings justice.

I should clarify. The feelings I’m referring to aren’t just ones on love, but all feelings. In three days, I’ll take my boxed material life with me and head a few hours south to begin anew … and some old. I don’t know anyone or anything where I’m going, save for the campus I’ve visited twice and a handful of students and professors I’ve become acquainted with on a surface level. I’m more than ready, though. I’ve been preparing myself for this since graduating high school. I knew majoring in psychology meant I would have to go to graduate school and if that’s what I had to do to be able to have a career I actually enjoyed, then I didn’t mind going to school longer. Plus, I’m not all that jazzed to begin work just yet. At this point, I could go to school for the rest of my life. I thrive on the idea of jamming my mind full of so much knowledge that I become addicted to academia. Yeah, but then I remember how I’ve never wanted to teach and how I like to be financially secure, then I realize I will be ready to work at some point, just not yet … To remain a student for life? I hope we all are.

Oh, back to the love thing.