How and When After Twenty Years

My husband and I have been married for twenty years. It was love at first site. I moved in the first week and was pregnant the next. He left me for a few months because to he wasn’t sure he was ready. He came back and we had our 1st and then got married. A lot of downs more than ups but love him with all my heart. Starting in 2008 I unfortunately found out that he was secretly emailing and associating with many adult dating and also other sites. I also found his replies and responses to these women that were going on for nearly three years without me knowing or suspecting a thing. All his late nights on the computer for his so called work, never led me to believe anything else. Now, I am no pro when it comes to sex due to being brought up a good girl. I never thought nasty thoughts yet the emails I read of what he sent to these women made me realize he wanted more than what we had. I, of course confronted him about this and was crushed beyond all belief to find out he was giving out his most intimate desires to total and complete strangers and not to me.  

Since then he has promised to never go there again and he seems sincere. Yes, I have been spying and checking but I also believe that if spying is something I want to continue, then I will go crazy looking for something. Since then I have been a little more aggressive in the sex category and more opened minded. I turned forty-four and my hormones want it all the time. The problem I am having is that he doesn’t. Yes, we tend to settle down in age but now that I am all for it he isn’t. I know it embarrasses him to think he went to that level at one timebut why won’t he share those desires with me who is real? Is it because I am his wife and the mother of his children or has he spent his energy and I’m just too late? I love him and truly am very attracted and still desire him more than ever. I am a very good looking and in excellent shape so I am told by many other men and even my beautiful grown boys. Why doesn’t he desire me like I do him?