Porn Addiction and Your Past

I got a response to an article and it even had a question in it. Therefore, to keep with the theme of answering questions here goes …

Pandabear from Colorado wrote: I really enjoyed this very informative article. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and knowledge. Sometimes we know these things, but it is great to read them, especially when it’s so well written. I have one question you may be able to answer. You mentioned that if a man is truly addicted to porn you would look at his childhood ... Can you elaborate? What would you expect his child hood to look like?

Well PB,

I want to point out a difference here. Addiction is different from abuse. You can abuse alcohol and not be addicted to it. You can abuse drugs and not be addicted to them. Neither abuse nor addiction is good, healthy, or safe, but abuse is one issue and addiction is two (addictive personality + abuse).

The first thing I would ask is about abuse (sexual, substance, physical, and emotional). Then I would ask about the parent’s relationship. Broken home? Father was a jerk? Mother was abused by father? Substance abuse by parent? Neglect from parent? All of these things can help a person understand why they turn toward things like a porn addiction. Here are some examples:

A person who grows up under abuse finds ways to deal with it. One very common and compulsive way is through sexual means. Children, especially younger children, will become sexually compulsive in an abusive situation. They do not have the means to fully express themselves and try to act out their frustrations in a physical way, sometimes through sexual acts. This becomes a habit, follows them to adulthood, and leads to constant unhealthy sexual compulsion. Sometimes as promiscuousness and some times as compulsive masturbating. This tendency to act out sexually when under stress is also found in other primate species and some researchers are trying to see if it is a primate behavior or just a human behavior.