Screaming Orgasm (Kahlua, Irish Cream, Amaretto, vodka)
There is no doubt in my mind that you’re likely to have a screaming something after drinking this mixture of booze, booze, booze, and yes, booze. The worst part about it is that it goes down so easy, you’ll be drunk before you’ve even hit foreplay. While that kind of sounds like fun, you may not remember this so-called “screaming” orgasm. In fact, you probably passed out in the middle of making the beast with two backs.
The Handjob (Jack Daniels and Squirt)
This cocktail, created by my friend Sean Hancock (no, really, that’s his real last name) is one of my favorite sexy drinks, because the ingredients define the name and vice-versa. The best part is that the bartender won’t know how to make it, so after asking for a Handjob, you get to say, “you know, it’s Jack n’ Squirt.” I don’t even like Jack Daniels, but I’d be willing to order some just so I could get a good taste of Squirt, a totally under appreciated soda. For the men, a few of these and you won’t even notice it’s your own hand whacking you off; you’ll be so rat-arsed you’re likely to think it’s the hot bartender who’s doing the jacking and squirting.
The Leg Spreader
A friend of mine, who worked at a Berkeley brewery, coined this term for a particularly good, particularly high alcohol content beer. The beer was widely consumed and widely praised for its ability to part more than just lips. Since most people think that they can “handle” at least three or four beers, this brew comes up and sneaks off their panties faster than you can say “I luv dese beerz … burp.”
There are so many more—Between the Sheets, Cocksucking Cowboy, French Kiss—but I’m really getting thirsty and randy. Bottoms up.
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