Doing “It” Well: A Small Guide to Sex Toys

If you count the number of occasions you’ve made love to your partner, even a good estimate, you’d be surprised at how many times you’ve gotten busy over the years. Even the number for an average couple that has been together for just a year easily reaches over one hundred. When you do something that many times—even sex—it’s bound to get boring sooner or later. You spice up your soup when it gets boring, so why not spice up your sex life?

I’ve been with my partner for nearly eight years. Things continue to be exciting in the sex department. A lie, you say? Not at all and I’ll tell you why. About five years ago, when we were living in San Francisco, we were introduced to a fine establishment called Good Vibrations. It was a rainy day, so we decided that was a good enough reason to do some exploring, and by exploring, I mean that of the body region.

Good Vibrations is a sex-positive toy store for adults. When you’re inside, you don’t feel dirty or cheap, but rather, educated and excited. The staff is well versed in everything they sell from vibrators to strap-on dildos to lady-friendly porn videos. Being born and raised in a Catholic family in Missouri, these kinds of adult toys were framed as dirty and sinful and the kind of stores that sold them usually had purple-tinted windows with neon “XXX” signs and sat on the outskirts of town. It’s was an incredibly refreshing experience to ask questions at Good Vibes and not have our lack of experience be laughed at, and feel empowered about our sexuality.

That’s the thing about sex toys. Society, the media, and often our parents have taught us that intercourse should be standard. Any diversion from that, and it seems dirty and promiscuous and naughty. You know what else is dirty and promiscuous? Cheating on your partner because you’re bored sexually. I think couples using toys and videos to liven up their sex lives show amazing growth and liberation and, quite frankly, honesty. Together they’ve realized that, like a great pair of shoes that have seen better days, in order to stay useful, something’s gotta change. Sex toys aren’t dirty. They’re fun (hence the name “toys”). They open you up to a whole new feeling when making love.

There’s one age-old problem when exploring sex toys. One partner will almost always ask, “Am I not pleasing you enough?” Quite the contrary.