Three Cheers for Missionary

I called a friend and admitted what I had done and got us both laughing so hard, tears were streaming down my face. All day, she sent fake texts to me reminding me of my Scarlet text letter. Then I settled down. I mean, I know how he feels about me, and maybe he just isn’t into this and is too shy to say it. That night when we talked, I asked him, “Did you get my text?” He said yes, laughed a bit embarrassingly, and said he was going to reply but then his dad called and it ruined his mood. I haven’t tried since.

It’s hard to know how much sex is enough and what kind is a turn-on. I wonder if it truly is unique to couples. I have a pretty open relationship and we’ve somehow learned to talk about sex, which with previous partners had not been the easiest thing to do. I’ve admitted my fears of not being seen as sexy or of becoming the matronly, monogamous girl instead of the vixen that inspires a hard-on.

Even though I get reassurance from him, I think it’s smart to stay sharp—to talk and read and try things. We can’t always enjoy the same position. Can we? My relationship is barely two years old, so I can’t definitively say. I do know I feel like I am in my sexual prime. After stumbling through my twenties and condom-filled episodes worth repressing, I feel like I’ve woken up. Thankfully, I’m with someone who really turns me on in an intellectual, emotional, and sexual way. I will admit that I’m still waking to sex. I have boundaries, but I know what they are and I’m confident to admit them. Right now, I love my missionary, though I have noticed a subtle yearning to experiment with those things that fall inside my boundaries, things that I can share with my boyfriend in a way that we respect and love and laugh and crave.

So, I will continue to listen to the stories, take what I want, and pocket the things I don’t. I hope to maintain the communication with my boyfriend so that five, ten, even twenty years from now, we both feel the same as we do now, even if we find ourselves in a different position. There’s so much to try, so much to discover, and there’s a lot to learn from friends and partners. Here are a few pieces of information that have come to me that are worth passing along: