Want to Move On, But I Dont Want to Let Go!

Recently my adopted mother and I had a big blow out. She said “I was obsessed and I was stalking her.”

The day before we had our blow out, I called her and texted her several times in dying need to talk to her about something so important. I suffer from depression and my life felt like it was coming to an end. Everything was falling apart. I felt like everything was crashing and real fast. To the point that I wanted to kill myself that day before it my life did crash. I just wanted to talk to her because she cared and loved me. I was calling out for help from someone who cared the most. But she took it the wrong way and said she didn't want me in her life. That I'm immature for 25 and she was done raising her kids and her grandchildren was more mature than me.

She wouldn't even let me speak she was to busy yelling at me. I even got on my knees and begged her to give me one more chance and explain what was going on. I never begged. I apologized for everything I've done. I never meant for her to be denied for a position she applied for. I tried contacting her out of work. I needed her. And still do. I had a little part of it and the rest was on her from being denied. She told to stop being so dramatic and to stop lying. I never did. I wanted to die worst than the day before. I wrote her a note. I wanted to commit myself to a mental hospital and school was going to help but I have no insurance. She told me to stay away. And I have but it’s hard when I work with her. I don’t say hi or goodbye. I try to avoid eye contact when we pass each other. It hurts because I was just crying out for help from a loved one. Everybody says give her space and time to think and I'm being patient.

A piece of me wants to move on with my life, but a piece of me doesn’t want to let go of the good times we had together. Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday. She even helped when my license was suspended and my car broke down and she gave me rides to place that needed to go and brought me home when I had no ride. She’s known me for so long and I don’t understand where she is coming from.

She backed away when I needed her the most.