I am Not the Blame

I am not to blame, to anyone who cares, the truth:

I am a forty-three years old newly divorced female. I am writing this because I am tired of taking the blame, here is my story—shortened. I was married at twenty-two. Most of what I experienced was mental and physical abuse. I wasn’t a bad woman, I made some mistakes but I went to church and raised my two girls in the church. I really tried to do what was right. My ex husband was a good provider and father but there were times when I was horrified and scared.

I was not beat daily—but he put his hands on me too many times. I was verbally abused, threatened constantly. I would never tell anyone I was scared and embarrassed so I pretended. He left me scared mentally and physically.

One day I just got tired and said forget it. Guess what? Then someone comes along to make me feel like I am somebody, that I am fine. He gets in my mind. Finally in 2006-2007 everything comes to a head when my husband finds out (he is my ex now). I try to make up but for me I felt I had messed up so bad. Now, at this time I don’t know what to do. I can’t do anything. So, in June he filed for a divorce, I never denied anything, I took the blame but today I am writing this because I am not taking the blame anymore.

I know it was wrong of me to go outside of my marriage, I can’t justify that. I am not all the bad guy, yes people point their fingers. The bible says let he who is without sin cast the first stone. 

I am writing this to get this off of me; yes I messed up but ask me why? I lost out financially, I don’t how I am going to make it but I will.

So I am saying to anyone if you are in any type of abusive relationship verbal or physical get out/tell someone/leave/don’t keep saying he will change. Don’t be like me.