And then, my worst fears came true. My oldest daughter caught me at my boyfriend’s house. She is so mad. She told me I was scandalous. She thinks that he is worse than my husband, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I understand her anger though. No matter what, that’s her dad.
Even though she knows what I’ve been through and how hard I’ve tried to make things work. She says I should have waited until I was divorced instead of cheating. I know that’s true, but if I would have waited, how long would I have waited? And should I have waited just to keep my kids happy? To keep my friends happy? To keep my husband happy? Or was it just time to finally make me happy? When I am with him, I am so content, relaxed, and just ME! I haven’t been me for a long time, and even though things worked out the way they did, I’m kind of relieved that it’s out. And if things don’t work out between me and him, then I know that it’s possible to be happy.
I told my husband about him this morning. I tore his heart right out, and I feel really bad. At first he was really angry, wanting to go kill him, but then he calmed down, and we’ve been talking off and on all morning. I know he has this image of me, too, but when I told him, he knew exactly who it was, so I guess deep inside he already knew. I know I have a long way to go, a lot of feelings to try and fix, and a lot of trust to earn back from my kids, but I also know that I have to live my life for me and not the people around me.
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