Taking Control Back of My Life

Hello, everyone. I am writing this article to let other women know out there you are not alone. I have been in a relationship with this man since October 2001 and now it’s June 2008 and I have been through Hell and back.

I stood by his side when he did three years in jail. He came home in July 2005 with a bunch of promises. I could go on and say that people are probably thinking he’s a criminal, but everyone deserves a second chance and it did not involve a violent crime. In November 2005, almost four months after he came home, he himself became a victim of a violent crime that left him disabled. After that, he was very bitter and cold. He constantly verbally abused me and it was getting unbearable to the point where I attended therapy.

I always tried to work things out because I was in love with this man and I felt bad about what happened to him. I was there when his own family was not. His own family told me to move on because I deserved better. I would always end up telling myself, If I’m not there, who would be? Even though it was not my problem, I made it mine.

For the next three years this man used me, coming in and out of my life as he chose to, and I always allowed him to treat me like that, thinking next time he would regret how he’d treated me. But each time I took him back, the verbal abuse got worse.

The last straw was when he called me once again in March 2008 and wanted to try to work things out once again, and I fell for it. He really didn’t have any place to go once again because he had to move from where he was living. I did not know this and thought maybe he really did want to work things out.

Immediately he started staying out late and coming home only when he thought I would be sleep. He’d wake up in the afternoon, get up, get dressed, and run the streets with his friends all day and night, never having time for me or my son. If I asked questions, he would start an argument, leave, or go into another room. At this time, I was hurting so bad because I started to believe there was more to this than him just being angry with the world. I now believed that he was cheating also. I know that’s something I can’t accept, not when I have and always have been faithful to him. Also, the times we were separated, I still never started another relationship because I knew I still loved him. He went away on a trip and when he came back, I noticed he had condoms in his suitcase and I knew then.

Of course he stared an argument and left. I just could not believe that he had the nerve to go out here and cheat. If you don’t want to be here, why keep coming back and hurting me like this? By the time he left again to go away, I had to go to the doctor and be treated for an STD. This is when I finally woke up. I cried and I cried because I would have never thought this would be me going through this—but enough is enough.

I sat and thought, What if it was AIDS? I have a teenager that would be without a mother and it could have been prevented. I thought about what my life could be like if I moved on and remove that stress out of my life. I have since then packed all his things while he was away and dropped them off at his brother’s house. I also made it known that he should not call or come to my house or I will get the law involved.

I still cry every now and then because I just don’t get why he treated me like this, the only person in this world who always had his back and this is how he treats me. I guess it’s true when they say a man or woman can only do what you allow them to do and thank God I chose not to live like that anymore. I’m getting my life back on track and I’m looking forward to nothing but happiness.