State of Depression

By: Cindy Smith (View Profile)

I never saw him intentionally hurt the pup, but when he was home and I wasn’t, I worried just the same. This past year my dog was not doing well, and I asked him to help me get him to the vet several times. Finally, I asked a coworker and she got her friend to come and help me pick him up and get him to the vet. This was Friday April 13 of ’07, after being examined, the vet told me that he had spodolosis of the spine but mush worse, his kidneys were failing. She said he was in the last stage of kidney failure. Why, why did this happen?? That dog was everything to me. He always will be.

I started doing some research and realized that maybe he had eaten some bad dog food. That was when all the pet recall had started, sure enough, in about one week my questions were answered. Since January of ’06, he had consumed over 100 cans of tainted dog food. The guilt I felt and still do of feeding my beloved pet bad food is just devastating. I know that I didn’t know, but what is wrong with people????? It doesn’t make things better. The vet told me the nicest thing I could do for him was to put him down. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. When I was signing the papers he was looking at me with those big brown loyal eyes. I begged the vet to find a way to save him and she kept insisting that he was too far gone. The best and kindest thing I could do was to put him to sleep. She said the renal failure was not something that I would want to watch so I took her advice. My friends took me back home and we all three cried and cried. The following week, they came to my work to see me and said they had something to give me. My friends had gone back down to the vet clinic the next morning and put my dogs paw print into plaster and then had it painted with his name on. When I saw that I started crying big time. What a wonderful thing to do for me!

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posted: 06.03.2008
Nancy Cushman
Cindy, As I ventured into what is now my new life, I too realized that my marriage was so far over that there were hateful feelings lingering. The decision to leave is the hardest, but make one and stick with it. This is not to say that I do not have some breakdown moments and fell sorry for myself, cry, scream, cuss, and carry on. But to go back to the other life, NEVER!! Give yourself all the love you need to get ready, rely on your closest friends to help and then fly away. You will give yourself the best gift of all. Best of everything in life!! Nancy
posted: 01.30.2008
Jeanne Bean
Cindy, it's not that you referred to yourself as a "dummy"..sometimes, in life, we really want to think that we can have the 2.5 children, house in the suburbs with the white picket fence...but, in reality, it's not there..anywhere~! Your decision to make plans for a new life is a superb decision, and I'm sure you're walking on eggshells right now, as you stash away as much as you can for your "great escape"! Remember when the time comes, to allow yourself to Celebrate !! Celebrate the new life that YOU are creating for yourself..don't dwell on what you're leaving behind. What you will leave behind is the past...a past that only deserves one thing, the knowledge to not make the same mistake twice. I've walked in those shoes before...Best of luck to you, Cindy ! Here's to your New, Fabulous Life, heading straight for you!!
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