Nora Ephron sure had it right when she wrote, “Never marry a man you can’t be divorced from.” Because as good or bad as he was when the two of you were a couple, your relationship—especially if you have kids and you have to maintain a relationship—can often turn as stinky as a slice of Epoisses once you split.
That’s why so many women are happy when their former hubbies get a girlfriend; it takes us off the hook. They’re often so busy trying to please the new flame and navigating her issues that they finally ease up on ours—or the ones they think we have.
That’s not to say that we’re totally OK with it. I mean, how many of us have thought, “He’ll never find anyone better than me!” or “He’ll never find a woman who’ll love him the way I did!” Well, once he gets hooked up, that pretty much blows that theory, even if she’s truly not better than we are and has never loved anything beyond Fluffy, her childhood cat, and herself.
And if he gets married and we’re still searching for Mr. Really Right This Time, it brings up some complicated feelings. After all, this is someone we once loved and who once loved us back, and if you have kids together, your kids are a genetic mash-up of you both. Those feelings pop up even if you can look at the new Mrs. and honestly say, “You want him? You can have him!”
But you have to psyche yourself up for the reality of him finding love with someone else, just like you have to be as prepared as a Boy Scout for the first accidental sighting of the happy couple.
It almost always happens at the most inopportune time, like when you’re looking your worst.
Christine had a hectic morning recently—her youngest missed the school bus and so Christine had to rush her to school and make it to the bus stop in time for her to catch the express to her nonprofit San Francisco job. As she stepped off, sweating in her old Levi’s (the relaxed tapered kind), roomy bamboo T-shirt and Merrells, whom did she bump into but her ex, leaving the hotel where he was leading a conference, and his new wife—in skin-tight Edun jeans, knee-high stiletto black suede boots and a cute top that accentuated her rather well-endowed, and natural, chest. Although Christine had met her a few times before, she didn’t remember her being such a babe.
PREVIOUS PAGE
