On Letting Go

I need to say goodbye to the bestest, dearest, most wonderful friend I ever had. He was and is my soul mate. We thought alike and, in fact, could read each other's minds. I would listen to his stories for hours, he made me laugh, we shared our tears together. We were working partners, we loved each other's bodies reverently. I could communicate with him in a way I never could with my own husband.

There was only three things wrong with this scenario.

He was married.

I was married.

He is an alcoholic.

My marriage was one filled with abuse, pain, doubts, sorrow. I tried so hard, so very hard, to make things right. I walked on eggshells daily to avoid conflict. My friend made me realize that I had worth and that alone gave me courage to stand up for myself and finally, end my marriage.

His life was a different matter. Due to his alcoholism, he had many DUI's under his belt. He was considered a felon in my state. Hard to find a job where he would be hired and how would he get there...his license was taken away also. He was married to a woman who was cold, authoritative and made LOTS of money. So, in essence he became her “bitch,” making her lunches for work, dinners, cleaning the house and, in his words, twiddled his thumbs till she returned so he could cater to her some more. I saw his self worth as low as it could be, yet he refused to quit drinking. It was my hope that what I did as a writer could help him too. He had broadcasting experience, so I put that to good use by having him narrate my books to audio CD. This took off like a rocket.

Until his wife, with all her insecurities about our friendship, stepped in and called it quits for him. Yes, we also had an affair, but then told each other that we needed to keep our friendship on a business and friendship level only. No more sex. Unfortunately, his wife didn't see it that way and claimed the property that was hers. She invested a lot of time, effort and money into it, bailing him out of jail many times, paying attorney fees and supplied his liquor. Oh yes, dysfunction there, too. She who bailed him out also bought the very thing that was his downfall.

This relationship drained me so much physically and emotionally. I was tired of hearing him say one thing to her and another to me. He told her he hated me, then apologized to me, saying that was what she wanted to hear. He no longer stood up for me, instead, told me that it was time for me to go.

As I stood outside his house yesterday, I recalled the many happy memories I had there.