He Was My Plan

He was my natural high of love, my everything. I thought we were meant to be. I had never made plans for life, he was my plan. We were gonna have kids, he was gonna work, and I was gonna be the perfect mom and housewife. Oh how blind I was.

It started in the eighth grade when Adam came into my life. I know what you’re thinking, “that’s kinda young huh?” He was the football star of the team and already had college teams scouting him out. I had to say yes to him, of course I didn’t expect it to last it was middle school. However it did one week turned into one month, one month turned into two and some how it turned into six years. Of course he experimented with all kinds of things he shouldn’t have, but I stuck by his side. I didn’t have to do any drugs, alcohol, nothing at all. He was my intoxication, through the years he just grew on me, I knew him like a book. Although to this day I’m not even sure he knows the real me, or even my favorite color. I remember our third year anniversary he thought it was our first. Funny huh? It hurt me but I let it go, there was many occasions like that sometimes it was the smallest things that hurt most. Like me saying I love you and after four years him still not being able to say it in front of people and just brushing it off with a simple, “sure hun me too.”

I thought I was being childish for letting it get to me, like maybe I just expected too much from him. Day after day I just forgave him for everything he did to me not wanting to break up because I had already put so much into it and I already knew he was the one for me. The one night stands became a regular thing, and the old “can’t make it I’m going with the boys” was an always. I learned to cope with what ever Adam had in store for me next. I had to learn to live with it if I wanted that happy ever after ending. It came to the point where I knew what he was doing so I’d lay his clothes out to shower when he’d come to stay with me.