It’s Impossible—All Things are Possible

I recently found out that after 5 years of marriage that my husband decided to do an “exit stage left”.  At the time I had a 1 year old, put in my notice at my job to be a stay at home mother, had a miscarriage and found out my husband was seeing another woman.  My husband and I went to our last marriage counseling session where he basically said that I was in the waiting position and my husband was the person who had the control. Hmmm what to do.

I’ll tell you what I did. I called my parents, my best friend and my sister. Everyone came over the house (my husband would leave for weeks and not tell me where he was) and we all made a plan on how to get my life back on track. First was to find a great attorney. My father was in charge of that task. My best friend was in charge of finding me a Nanny.  My sister was in charge of watching my daughter. I was in charge of getting my job back.  Within 18 days, I filed for divorce, found a terrific Nanny and got my job back. I had negotiated with my manager to work from home because I didn’t want to leave my daughters side. I had all the infrastructure in place but I really was unprepared with all the emotions and hardship that was ahead of me. I was now venturing into the world of the unknown and that was very scary.

In the beginning I questioned if I did the right thing. I would look at my daughter and mourn the dream. There was so much emotional stress caused by my separation that I could not understand how people choose to divorce. I was just trying to survive each day .. do a little work, play and be happy for my daughter and try to fight off my husbands lawyer who was biting at my heals.

Two months into the divorce, I managed to negotiate a temporary custody arrangement (which is being contested constantly by my husband through a custody evaluation now) and bought out the family home.

Now I know why people choose to divorce. I feel like I just graduated college all over again.  I see the world as endless opportunities for my daughter and me. I feel hopeful.  Just because my relationship was ending it didn’t need to be such a sad and painful loss.  The very fact that my life went this direction was a cause for celebration for what my life could continue to be. I had many sleepless nights about how I would make it or do I make enough money for attorney fees and the home. Now I am awake just dreaming about the possibilities. Even in this time of darkness I thank God for all beauty that surrounds me.

For those that are going through similar pain, the best advice I can give you is to be the better person.  Be patient in a time where you just want to explode. Be kind when you see him drive up in a $143,000 car and is late with your childcare payments. Detach yourself from the negative and really focus on the path ahead. Tragedy reminds us what we are capable of. Rise to the challenge and be a better person because of it.