But I was devastated. How could he do this to me? It only proves that he is a coward and always has been and I should have paid better attention. I let him come back two months later thinking if he just comes back we will be able to work through everything and so I tried and gave it my heart but he did not. He continued to lie and cheat and his abuse started again. I never made him leave that second time but I did tell him I was tired of it and he needed to make up his mind and if he didn’t love me to go ahead and leave. It was so hard for me and still is.
He did leave again and this time with the same cowardness as the first time. He sent me an email telling me he was leaving. Even to this day he doesn’t have the guts to talk to me to my face. He uses the children and emails to convey messages, good and bad. I don’t speak to him unless it’s absolutely necessary.
I won’t give him the chance to take advantage of me. He underestimated me. He thought I was weak and for awhile so did I. He thought I would bend over and take whatever he dished out like I always did before but he’s found out that he didn’t break me and I won’t let him break me. I won’t ever give away my power of me to him or anyone else. Life is precious and must be cared for and protected, even my own. I lived for so many years trying to please a no good unappreciative husband and others that I forgot to take care of and please myself, even just a little. It took someone else pointing out the abuse before I realized what it was. How sad but it is a lesson learned. I am working hard to improve my life and make better choices. I am taking better care of myself and I think that has made me a better mother too. I thank God for all the wonderful gifts he has given me and I have found that these trials that I’ve been going through have made me stronger and even closer to God than I was before. I wouldn’t change that for anything.
