It was not always that simple. There were days we held on tight and refused to believe the news. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer as well and things were starting to spiral out of control. If I could be a little sicker and he could be less than we both could finish our lives together after we raised our son!
Bruce would tell Chad Ghostbuster stories and Chad would always be the hero in the last line and save the day! Our Chad was turning four already. Almost seventeen months had passed since the diagnosis but things were not going well and on April eighth, two weeks before my hysterectomy was scheduled Bruce died in my arms.
I was sick, had a four year old, and a business. The funeral was a day and a half and on the first day I decided to ask Dickie, the funeral director, if I could come by with Chad, by ourselves to say a private farewell. Chad and I walked in after explaining to Chad what he would be seeing. I told him the story of the little swimming bugs at the bottom of the sea that sometimes had their friends disappear if they swam up towards the light. They all made a pact that the next one that swam towards the light would promise to come back down and tell them what was up there. One day, one of them floated up and, “I promise I will come back and tell you all about it” but he never did. As he hit the surface of the water he sprouted beautiful wings and flew over the land, so happy and yet so sad that he could not swim to go down and tell his friends what a wonderful life he had now. He always watched over them as he flew and knew one day that they would see each other again.
Chad kissed his dad and ran over to a big chair in the corner of the funeral home and with him on my lap asked me to tell him one of Dad’s Ghostbusters stories! Of course I did and Chad was the hero as he always was. When we were done he asked if he could kiss Daddy goodbye? His little face bent down and kissed him ever so gently and then he turned around and said OK Mom, we can go now, it will be alright. Kids? Go figure—but his closure was so real and so healing. For me the depression and grief grew.
