Divorce: Releasing the Toxic Emotions

It is you who suffers the most. It is you who is giving up on life. It is you who is consumed with thoughts that cause stress, sadness, depression, and paralysis. It is you who becomes a person that few want to be around. It is you who is setting a poor example for the children. It is you who cannot move forward and is mired in the past, a past that is destined to repeat itself under the present conditions.

How then do we learn to let go of these toxic emotions and thoughts? Here is a way to begin the journey to a future filled with all that you want:

1. Understand that you are the sacrificial lamb on the altar of life. You have this one precious life to live and you have the choice to make it great or miserable. What will it be?

2. No one other than yourself is responsible for your life, your divorce, or your marriage for that matter. This is one of the most difficult things to get your mind around but it is true. Unless you accept responsibility for yourself and everything you see in your life, then you will continue to blame others and give away your power.

If you were to be totally honest with yourself, you would probably see how you played an equal part in the collapse of your marriage. Even if you are the so-called dumpee, there were two people in this marriage and no one person is solely at fault. You may believe that your ex was a bully and a tyrant and you were an innocent victim but guess what? You allowed it. You were co-dependent, you empowered your ex in ways you may not even recognize at this point in time.

And if you are really honest and willing to do the inner work necessary to move on, you will see that who you were being in the marriage is who you have been all along. Unresolved emotional issues from your past colored your marriage, it’s true. If you had a bad relationship with your father and he made you feel worthless, you may go looking for a father as a mate which is not the basis for a successful marriage.

3. To see outer change, you must first do the inner work. In order to rid yourself of the same reactive, ingrained responses from your past you have to do the inner work of personal growth. You must conquer the demons of mind chatter that run you. You must learn what has been holding you back from living your best life, being happy, and successful. Whether you work with a therapist or a life coach doesn’t matter. Just do it!

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